Good Grief!

June 1st begins a one month leave of absence from the soulless office park. Obviously, that means an extended boss-across-the-hall break, which will be disappointing for some of you (it’s okay—I’ve stopped being offended that boss-across-the-hall is more popular around here than I am).

But let’s focus on the real issue. Who will be the June Good Grief! recurring character? A few candidates:

• Short-shorts guy: an older man who comes to the gym in obscenely short shorts and tiny tank tops. It’s a vicious circle: Short-shorts guy struts around the gym in his terrifying getup, people check him out (in the way they would check out an automobile accident), Short-shorts guy senses that he’s being checked out and continues to wear his unfortunate outfit.
• Crazy M: a homeless man obsessed with the construction worker conspiracy, government spies, and God’s bottomless bottles of pancake syrup.
• Grumpy neighbor guy: he’s pissed about “ethnic trash pickers” and outsiders who dare to park their vehicles on our block.

I wouldn’t get much material from Short-shorts guy; our interactions are limited to him walking in front of my treadmill and me trying to avert my eyes. And Grumpy Neighbor is too inconsistent—his tirades come in spurts. On the other hand, Crazy M is a wealth of colorful stories, but making him a Good Grief! character would exploit his illness (Crazy M is, after all, crazy). I’ll keep thinking.