What U See is Britney S
Published by Britney Spears July 15th, 2004 in miscellaneous fluffI just wanted to be an ordinary anonymous celebrity blogger. After a near nervous breakdown and a failed marriage, Good Grief! provided a much-needed diversion.
Until recently, I’ve successfully maintained the charade, even canceling my tour to devote more time to this website. But the past week has been so stressful, what with the hideous pictures and planning another wedding, and my ex blabbing about our sex life all over the news. As a result, I got careless, plugged one of my iTunes songs, and bought a bad-body-image domain. Unfortunately, some busybody in Ireland made the connection:
Very worried for you. The European press is carrying stories about Britney’s nervous breakdown linked to her nightmares about being called “Bubblebutt Britney.” First your “mistake” with the iTunes download and now this new blog name . . .
I’m posting as the real me—Britney S—to implore you to keep my secret. I need this weblog, people. Don’t tell.
PS Justin, I know you’re short-shorts guy. For the love of God, move on with your life!
No Tags
SNIPPED FROM AN ACTUAL CHAT SESSION
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
—-
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
OMG! WTF?
THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN?!?!?
WEIRD!
sorry brittney–i surely misjudged you. You are simply a misunderstood waif of a child whore—errr–star.
I definitely want my kids to emulate you later on in life.
Keep SCREWIN’ em off the BED baby!
that’s the path to true happiness!
I wonder what kind of Google traffic will result from this post?
I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY FRESH CHEWING GUM COS SPEARMINT IS MY FAV. NO, YOU ARE MY FAV NUMBER ONE!!!!!
I SAW THIS HEREE:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/celeb_britney_s_trash
THEN I FOND UR BLOG!!!! HAPPY ME!!!!!!
oh my britney i love u and looking at ur body makes me crazy baby.