Terror Behind the Walls
Published by Becky S September 22nd, 2004 in philadelphia
Philadelphia blogger Yoko observed that last week’s Eastern State Penitentiary entry didn’t mention the prison’s Halloween festivities. She’s right—Terror Behind the Walls is ranked as the 9th best haunted house in the United States, and the event’s proceeds benefit Eastern State.
The omission was deliberate. First of all, because of the mellocreme pumpkins, I don’t talk much about Halloween. Secondly, Terror Behind the Walls equals terror for neighborhood residents. Temporary Jiffy Johns appear on sidewalk. The local annoying modern rock station broadcasts live. Suburb people come for the party and hog all the street parking. Last year, I had the following conversation with a lovely young woman who was standing in the only parking space within three miles of my apartment.
Lovely young woman: [jumping around and waving wildly] Hey, you can’t park here!
Me: [rolling down window] Move it!
LYW: I’m saving this spot!
Me: [reverse lights come on] Whatever. I’ll run your ass over.
LYW: I hope your mother’s glad she raised you to be SUCH A BITCH!
So if you visit the haunted house, let me know you’re coming, and I’ll buy you a drink. And don’t park in my spot.
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Ugh– parking. fuhgeddabout it. It’d be nice if the ESP somehow made arrangements with the lot across the street during this time of year, but even that’s not really a solution, is it?
Becky, on an OT note again…
you wrote a while back about Bastille Day (sp) being held at this Prison. I remember that the “cake” was Twinkies. Well next year with luck, twinkies won’t be used…as the company behind the twinkies have filed for bankruptcy.
And I will stay clear of the Penitentiary. Anything remotely scary scares me. This includes the modern rock station. So thanks for the warning.
Can i come stay if i don’t bring a car and camp out in an open parking spot all day while you are at work??
Becky,
Just so you know. I think RONCO makes a tool for scraping Lovely Young Women off your bumpers. I think it’s only $19.95 plus delivery…But Wait There’s more…If you send by midnight tonight you get a free 12oz bottle of Bumper Spray….
Cool. I hope this outfit has a rush delivery option, since the haunted house starts on 9/24.
Dana, after what you’ve been through in the past few weeks, you’re entitled to a parking space. Good to hear from you!
To those not in the know, Dana is a Florida resident who’s been through one too many hurricanes.
Uh…why didn’t she just park in the parking lot next to the pen? That’s just stupid.
You won’t see us there this year — we’re heading out to Fort Mifflin. Must scarier.
Actually, that lot fills up quickly during the haunted house. They have to keep a number of spots reserved for monthly parkers. It’s a zoo!
Of course, some people are just too cheap to pay the $8 or whatever it is.
The trick (at least for this c. City denizen) is just to suck it up, pick a nice night, and walk the 20ish bocks from Rit Square to Eastern State. Which is what I did last Saturday night. But man! I could see what you meant about the terror this event causes those of you folks living in the neighborhood.
Still, I must admit—’twas fun. I dare say I gave good scream.