Exclusive Bush/Kerry conference call: Part I - Cheesesteak
Published by Becky S October 18th, 2004 in newsy, philadelphia, foodRecognizing the rising influence of bloggers, Senator John Kerry and President George Bush asked if they could share a few final campaign thoughts with Good Grief! readers. We had a conference call over the weekend; I’ll be publishing the conversation as I get it transcribed. Below is our discussion on the Philadelphia cheesesteak debate.
Becky: Senator Kerry and President Bush, I’d like to thank you both for taking the time to speak with me. As you know, Pennsylvania is an important state in the 2004 Presidential election, and I want Good Grief! readers to make an informed decision.
Let’s get started. I’d like you to address the cheesesteak controversy that’s been surrounding both of your campaigns. It started when Senator Kerry went to Pat’s King of Steaks and ordered a cheesesteak with Swiss cheese. President Bush, you subsequently ordered a traditional “Wiz with,” but it was later revealed that you prefer “cheese of the American variety.” How do you explain this discrepancy to the voters of Philadelphia?
President Bush: I never ordered an American cheese cheesesteak. This is one of those ex-ag-ger-a-tions propagated by the liberal media. I’m a regular guy, just like your readers. After a hard morning of working in the White House, I’m ready for a hearty lunch that includes the tasty chemicals found in Cheez Whiz. Also, Altria, the parent company of Kraft, is one of my biggest financial contributors.
[interruption from an unknown third participant]: Cheez Whiz endangers the health of all Americans and must be banned from our stores! Corporate America must be stopped!
Becky: Ralph Nader, is that you? Sorry, you’re not on the ballot in Pennsylvania. Who gave Ralph Nader the password? Mr. President, did you give Ralph Nader the password for this conference call? Are you trying to divide the liberal vote?
President Bush: Heh.
Becky: Sorry for the interruption. Senator Kerry, do you have anything to add?
Senator Kerry: First of all, the media found a reliable source who witnessed several American cheese cheesesteak orders placed by your campaign. You order one kind of cheese for public appearances and another kind of cheese for the campaign bus—who’s flip-flopping now?
My cheesesteak order symbolizes respect for the international community. The Swiss are a fine people, and they make a good cheese. Why shouldn’t we include the Swiss when building our cheesesteaks? Cheesesteak building is a collaborative effort and should not be undertaken unilaterally. In my administration, no matter how hungry you are, there will be no cheesesteak building without approval from the United Nations and a multinational coalition.
Well, I hope that clears things up. Coming soon: prescription drugs, Tasty Kakes versus Twinkies, and immigration policy.
Update: Part II of the interview (focusing on healthcare) is published here.
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You mean to say that a discussion about the wives and daughters did not take place? O the tragedy.
Why did you cut me off??? I was about to say that the whole debate about cheesesteaks should not only be about the cheese. What about the meat? I bet that after both of my opponents ate the cheesesteaks that they went out and clubbed some baby seals like the carnivores that they are. If I am elected president I will make meat illegal and I will also make sure that every town has enough tofu and soybean products to feed everybody.
Thank you, Becky, for addressing the REAL issues of this campaign.
You’re welcome. That’s what blogs are for.
MMmm.. cheesesteak. Hilarious post.
Don’t be silly, Ralph Nader. I would never club a baby seal. I like to hunt with guns.
I also hunt with guns, as well as windsurf among the baby seals. No, this not a flip-flop.
I must agree. This is one of the more insightful blog entries I’ve found about the current presidential debates.
Personally, I want to see Bush and Kerry’s wives debate.
After that, I want to hear the debate between Bush’s daughters and Kerry’s daughters. (Assuming that they aren’t on leashes and their hamsters are safe)
found u on blogexplosion, very funny post
I’m a little late for this (I’ve been on holiday) but just had to say how much it made me laugh. You’re a wonderful writer.
I agree…I am anxiously waiting for the scary cow story that she promised us.
ooooh kudos on the wives idea–personally i think Teresa Heinz Kerry could totally kick a little Laura Bush booty (she has a touch o’ the ghetto)
Sadly, I could not reach the wives for comment. However, Suzette covers a cookie bake-off between Teresa Heinz Kerry and Laura Bush.