Exclusive Bush/Kerry conference call: Part II - Healthcare
Published by Becky S October 20th, 2004 in newsy, favorite
Part II of my conference call with President George Bush and Senator John Kerry focuses on healthcare. Part I—the Philadelphia cheesesteak debate—is here.
No TagsBecky: Healthcare continues to be a major concern for voters in Philadelphia and across the United States. President Bush, the recent Medicare Modernization Act is seen by some as a handout to the pharmaceutical industry rather than a reform. What is your response to that criticism?
President Bush: Becky, there’s more than enough reform in my reform bill to go around. Why play favorites when we can give money back to the pharmaceutical industry and throw a few extra dollars into the pockets of our senior citizens?
Becky: How are you planning to fund all of these reforms?
President Bush: I’m planning to divert medical malpractice settlement money from the trial layers. Trial layers are destroying the moral fabric of our nation. Especially the gay ones.
My opponent, on the other hand, is advocating a government-controlled healthcare system that will limit your freedom of choice and involve approximately 142 government agencies. In addition, Senator Kerry’s health plan will replace your family physician with androids and RFID chips.
Becky: That sounds bad. Senator Kerry, would you care to respond?
Senator Kerry: That is a lie. My plan does not involve 142 government agencies. In fact, I plan outsource our healthcare to Canada. In Canada the prescription drugs are cheaper, medicinal marijuana is legal, and the flu vaccine is plentiful.
President Bush: As always, homeland security is my first concern. We have a Food and Drug Administration to ensure the safety of our controlled substances. Why, it took years for Cheez Whiz to be approved by the FDA. If we get drugs from Canada, there’s no telling what could happen.
Senator Kerry: There has been no evidence that Canadian drugs are harmful. Where are all of the poisoned Canadians?
[unidentified voice]: Poisoned Canadians? That’s brilliant, and we shall make it happen before the election. No Canadian will be left behind.
Becky: Is that you, Karl Rove? Mr. President, is Karl Rove on your upstairs extension?
President Bush: Heh.
I agree with Sen. Kerry — a Canadian-backed healthcare cooperative would benefit America. However, educating Americans about their new Canadian pharmacies will be difficult. I propose an initiative to disseminate information to all citizens via e-mail. (The Nigerian government has done this for years.) It is important that all Americans know about “L0W L0W V!AGRA PRICES - SURPRISE YOUR WIFE” and “CanAdIAN DruGS 4U - BUY ONLINE.”
Counterpoint — reading French prescription labels might be tricky.
I also agree with the “outsourcing to Canada” plan. Sen. Kerry forgot to mention that we can do more stem cell research in Canada.
As for reading French labels, I agree that might have been a problem four years ago, but now we can use translaters on the internet to interpret that stuff.
Yes. And Canadians like guns, too. So we clearly have a common language.
Dave makes an excellent about about following Nigeria’s lead. It’s just one more example of the multinational cooperation that my administration will foster. In fact, I plan on sending representatives to the Nigerian e-mail conference.
Dave, there may be a cabinet position for you.
Canadian drugs are clearly harmful - why else would Celine Dion have a baby with green hair on her new album cover?
Tintil–I really laughed hard at that one–just when I was in an over worked daze–nice pick me up. Hey, Becky, I thought I was John Kerry from the previous post! I guess there is no exclusivity when posting with an alias (hmmm, do I feel Viggo Mortensen being channeled through me?). And what about your Karl Rove link–Bush refers to him as the Boy Genius and Turd Blossom? Becky, you are an evil genius. Well, maybe not so much evil as funny in a brilliant way. I guess that disqualifies you as a member of Bush’s axis.
What you talkin’ ’bout Sassy J? I thought that John Kerry was John Kerry. There’s no aliases allowed on Good Grief! All comments go through a rigorous screening process to ensure authenticity.
Rigorous screening process contin
Very funny, Sam. No seriously–that’s funny.
There are so many flu vaccines lying around up here in Canada because us Canadians don’t ever get the flu. In fact, Canada is so clean that the flu virus is virtually nonexistant!
Canadian Drugs are almost as tasty as Canadian Geese. And as Sen. Kerry has proven, you can get both with a 12 gauge and a little elbow grease. If only we could somehow extradite Bryan Adams. (Distant voice: “Now now, the Canadian Government has apologized on several occcassions for Bryan Adams.”)
We all know where the true fate of this election will be determined: on the jagged slopes of Mount Saint Helens, in the land of Washington, where the apples grow.
Hi Viggo! I didn’t realize you are a blogger now. Sorry I missed your call last night. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you on Saturday because Jude Law is taking me to dinner. Maybe next weekend?
Entschuldigen miene Liebling! I was going to have the entire Orchestra serenade you–but now that I see you are playing the field, I will take my playing elsewhere. Tchussie!
>> In fact, Canada is so clean that the flu virus is virtually nonexistant!
Is this because of their fabulous health care system?
Priceless! Absolutely priceless!!!