Introducing Aloof Existential Guy
Published by Becky S December 16th, 2004 in miscellaneous fluff, philadelphiaI haven’t seen Short-Shorts Guy at the gym in several months. I have visions of him being rushed to the emergency room, circulation cut off by tiny workout clothes of questionable taste. I even looked up the perfect Short-Shorts Guy diagnosis (I can do this kind of valuable research because I work for a hospital).
E928.5 – External constriction caused by other object
In case you were wondering, E928.4 is external constriction caused by hair.
Anyway, because of Short-Shorts Guy’s apparent demise, I had to come up with a new gym character. Allow me to introduce Aloof Existential Guy. Aloof Existential Guy does a regular morning workout, usually rolling in between 5:45 and 6:00 AM. He rides the exercise bike and reads Kafka. But here’s the annoying thing: he violates the morning gym people code.
You know how Jeep drivers give one another “the wave” as they pass on the road? And I’m sure that iPod geeks have the same kind of protocol when encountering someone else with those goofy white headphones. Well, the morning gym crowd also has an unspoken agreement: acknowledge one another on the street, even those you never talk to at the gym. Why? It’s just a way of recognizing the bond between people crazy enough to drag their asses out of bed at 5:30 AM to slog around on the ArcTrainer.
When walking around Fairmount, I have seen Aloof Existential Guy at least five or six times, and he flagrantly violates the morning gym people code by ignoring me. Of course, I ignore him too because I don’t have time for people who break the rules.
If I ever manage to penetrate his cold exterior, I will post an update.
characters fairmount miscellaneous fluff Philadelphia
At the Pixies show a few weeks ago, grunty gym guy, who had previously failed to acknowledge me when sitting one barstool away at the Collar was all, “DUUUDE, you like the Pixies?”
Good luck..we aloof types arent easy to crack..specially in the gym before dawn.
As an iPod geek I must say that there is no signal that we give each other, besides those goofy white headphones.
Now, before everyone and their mother had an iPod is a different story. I would often make eye contact with fellow iPodders and we would either nod or wave, or just smile.
But they let PC users in on the iPod goodness, and there went the signals.
Maybe he is ignoring you because you are ignoring him and he has no time for someone who breaks the rules.
So there.
He breaks the rules first by refusing to even make eye contact.
Scott, maybe your nickname should be “Aloof Macintosh Guy.” I never noticed this before, but this morning I saw that Aloof Existential Guy has an iPod. I don’t know if he had it before or after they let the hoi polloi in on iPods.
5:30 in the morning? I don’t think I could even manage to open my eyes to make eye contact at that hour, much less drag my ass to the gym.
I would like to state that, even though I am an iPod owner, I’m not a geek! If there is a ’signal’ that iPodders give each other, they don’t give it to me - maybe because I’m not a geek, or maybe it’s because most of the time (excluding jogging) I use DJ style headphones which allows me to go incognito regarding the type of music media I use.
As far as Short-Shorts Guy is concerned, perhaps you are right that he got wisked away to an emergency room. It occurs to me that when a man wears short shorts - which can inadvertently let ’something’ slip out (nomsayin’?) - in an environment where there is alot of heavy equiment with lots of moving parts (like pulleys, cables, weights, etc. ), there is a risk of getting that ’something’ caught, crushed or even removed by that equipment.
*shudder!*
1. Is he cute?
2. I read that a lot of aloof iPod people are now getting black headphones because they think the common folks have ruined the white headphone iPod mystique.
Becky, I don’t think I am aloof, I think a better name would be ‘Oblivious Macintosh Guy,’ which covers more situations in which I have no idea what is going on, but others think I should.
True, Scott, you’ve never struck me as aloof. So “Oblivious Macintosh Guy” it is.
Jen, I wouldn’t call Aloof Existential Guy cute. I don’t have an interest in him other than getting him to acknowledge the code.
About iPodders switching to black headphones…First of all kudos to those like Splurge who enjoy the technology for its own sake. Haven’t the headphone-switchers ever read Dr. Seuss?
Hum….just wondering why you call him “Essential” Guy? Slip of the Freudian male mistique?
Maybe we are all just too Aloof for our own good. Just think if we all waited to be acknowledged first….
Someone has to take that first step why not ask him………………..
“doesthisblogmakemybuttlookbig”
Existential, not essential guy!
OOPS! Beg your pardon, just read too fast. Easy way to get in trouble. And, I am not related to Rumsfield nor George.