During the past year, I have not always treated the international community with respect. I got jealous of the cute Japanese Good Grief!, boycotted hard Ukrainian Quizzo, accused the Russians of trying to taint the US Presidential election, and exposed the outsourced Indian ice cream man.
But no more: 2005 is all about fostering constructive worldwide relations. I began this endeavor on Saturday night by having dinner with several of Special K and Clair’s French co-workers. An Australian woman was there too, but she was sitting at the other end of the table, so I can’t take credit for making nice with the Australians.
Even though we ate at a Seinfeldian Chinese restaurant that takes reservations but doesn’t keep them, the international peace dinner was a rousing success. The French contingent got to pick the wine, and the Americans agreed not to mock their ridiculous footwear. We taught our allies about the “in bed” fortune cookie game, and they taught us dans ton cul and other essential phrases. For example:
Special K: Our reservation was for half an hour ago. Where’s our table?
French co-worker: Dans ton cul.
Becky [trying desperately to contribute]: You know, if you were talking to a stranger, you’d have to say dans votre cul.
In a show of international cooperation, Special K’s French partner, Freedom Date, and I later looked up naughty words in the French dictionary. The list of cul-related phrases* was impressive:
- to chew ass
- to kiss ass
- to work one’s ass off
- my ass!
- stick it or shove it up your ass
- to get one’s ass in gear
- to have one’s ass in a sling
- a piece of ass
- ass-backward
- ass-wipe
I also have a cryptic note that says to have your ass edged by or bordered with noodles means you’re a lucky guy. Yes, 2005 will indeed be a year for gaining wisdom and maturity.
*Since Good Grief! is already listed as a source of testicle pictures, naked coven information, and swinging Philadelphia lifestyles, writing ass over and over is a bad idea, but my current sophomoric mood is overriding my common sense.
clair favorite food freedom date politics special k
I have to mention that what you’ve described is the Pederast Clown Syndrome. Yikes!
Wow, I’ve never heard it called that before. Perhaps I’ll try a new tactic:
Swinging Philadelphia lifestyles
Mon chien est plus intelligent que toi.
That’s really all I remember from all my years of French.
Thanks. I better go check my referrer logs now.
Though my French is terrible, I understand what Jen wrote. This bodes well for my goal to cultivate international peace and harmony.
If you want to cultivate international peace and harmony, I don’t suggest you go around saying that to people.
I once tried to cultivate international peace and harmony by dating a guy from Sri Lanka, but he put too much faith in astrology and in the end decided that he doesn’t like sassy American women.
So Jen, if you could translate your phrase into Sinhalese, I’d really appreciate it.
J’en suis sur le cul tellement tu me fais rire !
To bring my stone to the international peace effort, I have looked at a few online translators and am happy to give you their answers.
Free Translation : I some am on the bottom so you do me to laugh.
Altavista : j’en am on the bottom so much you make me laugh.
WordLingo : I am on the bottom so much you make me laugh.
It seems that WordLingo is the smartest for this sentence, but I sadly note that none of them respected the use of slang for my cul, which is yet different than my derriere or my fesses.
Becky, I am shocked, shocked I tell you at the lewdness of this entry. I can’t believe what you have intentionally linked yourself to. Nice baguette on the French guy.
On another Good Grief historical note having to do with lewdness–there is now a short shorts GAL at my gym–who is equally as unsavory as short shorts guy. She is over 60, has plenty of wrinkly flesh, and literally has some Dallas Cowboy cheerleader sized outfit on–flat and sagging ass hanging out of her up-the-butt shorts and wrinkled midriff showing. We are not at a nude beach people–we are trying to work out. Please show some mercy.