Eastern State Penitentiary

Every winter I am vexed by snow and ice on the sidewalks surrounding Philadelphia’s Eastern State Penitentiary. The perimeter of this facility is eight city blocks, so shoveling there is no small task. But someone’s gotta do it. Right?

On Monday, I decided to be a power citizen. I called the Penitentiary’s executive director, who said that her organization’s lease extends only to the prison’s outer wall (i.e., does not include the sidewalk). Tricky!

Then began a series of phone calls to city employees; the last conversation was with the police people who issue citations to non-shovelers.

Mean police woman: We can send an officer out to issue a citation if you give us the exact address.
Becky: Uh, I really just wanted to find out if the city is responsible for those sidewalks.
Mean police woman: We don’t do sidewalks.
Becky: I think that this is city property.
Mean police woman: That’s impossible.
Becky: Are you saying the city has no property?
Mean police woman: Ma’am, we can send an officer out if you give me the address.
Becky: It’s on Fairmount Avenue between 22nd and…
Mean police woman: Ma’am, I need an exact address.
Becky: Big, stone, castle-like structure. Takes up two city blocks. Can’t miss it.
Mean police woman: [loud sigh] Ma’am, I repeat, I need an exact address.
Becky: I don’t know the exact address.
Mean police woman: Well, if we can find the address, we’ll look it up to see who owns the property. Then maybe we can send out an officer. [tries to hang up]
Becky: Wait, what’s the follow-up procedure?
Mean police woman: What?
Becky: How can I find out who’s supposed to shovel? Will you call me back?
[silence]
Becky: Go Eagles? One city and all that?

These phone calls literally ended in tears because I’m thin-skinned*. However, the sidewalks around Eastern State were plowed a day or two later. Which is a good thing, because otherwise I would’ve had to use my super micro journalist blogging powers to fight The Man, and nobody wants that.

*One time a cashier at Taco Bell made me cry, but that’s another story.


23 Responses to “Shoveling out Eastern State Penitentiary”  

  1. Gravatar Icon 1 Glenn

    I would like to hear the tacobell story, if it is not to painful a memory! :)

    Fight the Power!

  2. Gravatar Icon 2 Scott

    I don’t think anyone has ever made me cry, well not a stranger anyway.

    In fact, I used to be able to say, ‘I don’t remember the last time I cried’ since I am such a macho man and all. But alas, I can remember the last time I cried so there goes that catch phrase. Now all I can say is, ‘I can’t believe this isn’t butter.’

    FYI, the picture made me giggle, like turn that frown upside down or something.

    Enough of this rambling comment!

    Blankbaby out!

  3. Gravatar Icon 3 yoko

    Wait– so who is responsible for shoveling the sidewalks around the Penitentiary?

  4. Gravatar Icon 4 Becky

    Glenn, I’ve tried to suppress the Taco Bell incident. It happened maybe 5 years ago and was very traumatizing.

    I, too, cannot believe that this isn’t butter.

  5. Gravatar Icon 5 Becky

    Yoko–dunno. Someone finally took care of the sidewalks, but I don’t know who. I hope it’s a new precedent, because it’s annoying to slip and slide down Corintian Ave. It was just a matter of time before someone falls and breaks a hip.

  6. Gravatar Icon 6 Sam

    I slipped and fell near Rittenhouse Square earlier this week. Kind man helped me up. Nothing was broken as padded asses can be quite useful sometimes.

  7. Gravatar Icon 7 Scott

    Thanks to my new sweet boots I haven’t taken a spill yet!

    Do your worst, Philadelphia.

  8. Gravatar Icon 8 Sassy J

    Good on you Beck! Do you think the reason they were shoveled is because you cried? Hmm, maybe I should try that tactic.

  9. Gravatar Icon 9 Becky

    Well, I didn’t cry until I got off the phone, so my tears had no influence on the decision to shovel.

    Crying is a good tactic, though. One time I went to the wrong rim of the Grand Canyon so they didn’t have my cabin reservation, and they were going to make me sleep in the emergency sleeping bag.

    So I cried. And guess what? All of a sudden, a cabin was available!

  10. Gravatar Icon 10 Scott

    Something similiar happened to me, I had reservations at a hotel, but I thought they were for a different hotel. I went to the wrong hotel and raised holy heck because they didn’t have my reservation (which, of course, they wouldn’t since it was a different hotel), but they put me up and gave me a better rate than I would have had.

    AND I had the other hotel refund my money, though all without tears.

  11. Gravatar Icon 11 Becky

    Mental note: do not cross Scott, lest he raise holy heck.

  12. Gravatar Icon 12 Theresa

    OK, first of all, I don’t own the sidewalk in front of my house, but I have to shovel it. I’m pretty sure that would be ESP’s job.

    Second, I accidentally made the woman who made my wedding cake cry. It was so awful, I’d rather tell the story about when I cried in front of the class I was teaching. Less shame.

  13. Gravatar Icon 13 Clair

    Glenn, I know the Taco Bell story. Becky, it will cost you to keep me quiet…

  14. Gravatar Icon 14 Moon Pappy

    Glen, I too know the whole Taco story. It is an epic. It is worth the price Glenn….but I’d rather let Clair tell it. I just might get banned from this blog. (So much for liberty of the press!) ps. Becky for the price of a years supply of carmel corn from Trader Joes my fingers will be too busy eating to tell (or rather type)all. On second thought let get a bidding war started…”what do I hear for this jucy story?”
    PPS. Becky from the photo It looks like the Phila area parks and recreational facility (i.e., the inmates) did a great job in clean up.

  15. Gravatar Icon 15 Becky

    Moon Pappy, you do not know the Taco Bell story. There are several Taco Bell stories, but only one that ends in tears. It happened in Mays Landing, New Jersey, at a mall food court. No Trader Joe’s caramel corn for you!

    And Clair, you are not qualified to tell the story because you were only there for the crying part, not the preceding events.

  16. Gravatar Icon 16 Scott

    I must admit that I am now intrigued about the ‘Taco Bell’ story.

  17. Gravatar Icon 17 Becky

    The Taco Bell story is not that interesting. It’s been built up as an epic–simply not true. Now I can never tell the tale; it would be a letdown.

  18. Gravatar Icon 18 Glenn

    Ok,
    If I say I am prepared to be dissapointed….
    will you tell the Taco Bell story then? :)

    And yes, I put ANOTHER smiley face on your blog!
    I am crazy!

  19. Gravatar Icon 19 Sam

    Hey Becky: crying got me places with Cingular wireless. I NEVER cry in public (or on the phone).

    I should try this crying in public thing more often

  20. Gravatar Icon 20 Becky

    Nice work, Sam! Perhaps crying as a means to an end deserves its own post. I should work on this.

  21. Gravatar Icon 21 Elise

    I had dinner at Jack’s Firehouse on Friday night and I saw the shoveled sidewalks, even got to walk on them for a brief stretch between the restaurant and that enormous parking lot (what a bargain - $6 to park on a Friday evening). So thanks for allowing me to not break my neck on my girls’ night out!

    I had a similar success. I live in East Falls and my street was atrocious. It was half-heartedly plowed once and there were 6 inches of snow on the street - where the cars drive - for two days after the storm. I called Streets, reported it, and by the time I got home from work, the street had been plowed. Woo-hoo! And the woman on the other end of the phone was NICE!!!! Couldn’t believe it.

  22. Gravatar Icon 22 Kate

    Thank goodness the snow has melted, all I could think for a while was, “How does anyone get around this slippery, unshoveled town in a wheelchair?!”

  23. Gravatar Icon 23 Anonymous

    Wimpy crackers.