Weekend warrior!
Published by Becky S June 7th, 2005 in sports, wtf?
This summer will be all about getting out of the gym and getting back to nature. And by nature, I mean a lodge with indoor plumbing. In three short days, a Poconos rafting and hiking weekend commences, and later in the summer there are plans to learn about kayaking in the Jersey Pine Barrens*.
This surge of sportiness can only mean one thing: wardrobe crisis! Time to hit REI for some water-friendly shorts and shoes. The shoe part of this story is a success, since the Keen Newport H2 waterproof sandals were on sale**. The search for shorts, however, was a complete disaster.
First of all, note to retailers: your customers will buy less stuff if the dressing room mirrors make them look short and dumpy.
Secondly, it’s a twisted, counterintuitive truth that athletic shorts make your butt look big. Why no back pockets? Why? Also, the flimsy material used for quick-drying attire is less than flattering, clinging to every lump and bump, and control top nylons, the usual workaround for this problem, are impractical for outdoor activities.
Finally, why are all the clothes at REI marked “UV blocking?” Regular clothes don’t block the sun? Has this dastardly UV penetration been going on all along, or is it a new problem, caused by low-rise pants and the shrinking ozone? What about those who haven’t invested in UV blocking garments? Are we destined to age prematurely and spend our retirement savings on cosmetic surgery?
*Unfortunately, I recently discovered that I have to sit in my own personal kayak. WTF? I had visions of a two-seater, i.e., taking someone down with me when the inevitable capsizing occurs.
**True, the colors on the clearance rack were a little, uh, strange.
fashion nature poconos Sports wtf?
You mean you’re not going to go kayaking in the Schuylkill? I never thought I’d say this, but Jersey’s probably is the healthier option on this one. Oh, and kayaking? Best “sport” ever.
Becky: on my walk today–my far less strenuous version of your back-to-nature self-improvement campaign–co-walker Wendy and I were musing about the problem of bathing suits: how they don’t look good on 98% of the population; how this means a large portion of the population will never, therefore, buy them and never set foot again in a pool. I decided that something must be done, that some clothing manufacturer must come up with a line of “flattering but realistic” swimwear–though I can imagine the line moving beyond swimwear. I mention this here because I think you have the power to effect this great transition in the clothing industry. You’re probably the only one who can do something about this. Godspeed.
you made the right choice with the Keen’s anyway. best. shoes. ever.
“UV blocking” sounds like some fancy marketing to me.
Maybe EMS has more flattering clothing? I must investigate this. Then again, I am already short and dumpy, so no kind of clothing’s going to change that.
Have a fun time in the Poconos!
Yeah, Dan, it pains me to type this, but Jersey does have a few redeeming qualities.
Debra, you speak of a great task. I’m not sure I’m up to it, though it’s flattering to be nominated. True–who wants to run around in what is the equivalent of underwear? FYI…Mac, another Philly weblogger, is happy with her recent swimwear purchase.
Hooray for Keen shoes! I got a pair of Bronx last winter. Love. them.
Are you sure that you should be trying to kayak?
Some more pictures! These by me, as encouragement for your kayaking adventure:
http://coldground.typepad.com/photos/little_bits/divejpg.html
http://coldground.typepad.com/photos/little_bits/panjpg.html
http://coldground.typepad.com/photos/little_bits/ramjpg.html
http://coldground.typepad.com/photos/little_bits/sealjpg.html
http://coldground.typepad.com/photos/little_bits/rainbowjpg.html
I think UV blocking clothing got handed up from kids’ clothes, and I’ve heard that some of them indeed do the job better than normal clothes. Makes sense when you have a child who reacts to sunscreen like you’re spraying him with malathion.
D
Becky–once you capsize the shorts will be clinging to you–so no need to worry about the baggy butt look. Between your styling new kicks and by wearing a strongly patterned top or crazy hat–you will divert attention from the shorts region.
Sounds like a great trip! Have fun!
Those sandals look like they’d be great for kayaking. I wore my new Tevas to kayak last weekend and I still have a sunburn on the tops of my feet.
REI is jumping onto the UV marketing ploy. Why not? REI is no longer a coop for recreational equipment. REI is now a yuppie haberdasher.
Sassy, I’m happy to report that we did not capsize! However, the water was so nice that we went in voluntarily.
Jane, the shoes were fabulous in the canoe. Highly recommended!
Frankly, I liked that REI was able to help out my clueless self, especially with the shoes (still don’t understand the UV clothing). If that’s catering to yuppies, so be it. However, at least three salespeople told me about the benefits of joing the co-op, so the co-op is certainly not dead.