Cellulite protection!
Published by Becky S June 23rd, 2005 in tech, wtf?
Guess what arrived at the soulless office park this morning? My cell phone! How is it possible for Verizon to ship a phone in less time than the average wait on their customer service hotline? It is truly amazing.
Even though I’ve only made two calls so far, I can feel radio waves and gamma waves and microwaves bouncing around in my head, killing brain cells and laying the groundwork for some horrible future illness. Dementia! Cellular babies! Lower IQ!
Luckily, I did some research and found the perfect solution: a cell phone cap that will “protect your brain from RF pollution” for the low, low price of $39.95:
Lined with a sophisticated fabric using polyester and finely spun silver coated copper fibers with extremely high reflective characteristics. The waves actually bounce off the fabric with little or no absorption and no electric discharging.
Research links RF radiation with behavioral and cellular disturbances. Many people can actually sense the differences in the levels of “mind noise” from RF radiation. Provide your brain a quiet place without interference to your mental processes from RF radiation.
And now back to reading the manual. So far, Chapter One: Understand Your Phone has been very informative.
cell phone cellulite power tools tech wtf?
Congrats on stepping into the cellular age!
I got rid of my landline right after I got mine, and have no plans on going back!
Glenn, I so want to get rid of my landline, but I can’t because I need local phone access for DSL. What a ripoff. When is this so-called naked DSL coming?
Wait a minute, you just.. got.. a.. cell phone?
And if you get a cable modem, you can get rid of your landline!
Yeah, Jen, I can’t believe it. I kind of told my new manager that I’d get one.
Cable modem service is really expensive if you don’t have cable, so I’ll stick with the DSL. But it still sucks.
Hey, you’re a lawyer now! When you pass the bar, would you mind organizing some kind of class action lawsuit about ths DSL thing? That would be great!
Does the phone have a camera? Will Good Grief become a moblog? Which musical ringtones will you choose? So many questions!
Ah, DSL - yeah that would be a good reason to keep the landline. I went cable, and yeah, it’s a lot more expensive than when I had DSL.
Naked DSL? I have no idea what you are taking about, but sign me up!
Hey, you’re a lawyer now! When you pass the bar, would you mind organizing some kind of class action lawsuit about ths DSL thing? That would be great!
Unfortunately, I’ll only be licensed in Georgia and we have naked DSL down here. Isn’t Philly getting city wide wireless or something fantastic like that?
Don’t get too excited, Glenn. Naked DSL is just getting DSL w/o having to get voice service.
Jen, too bad you can’t help us in PA. I don’t know when the Philly wireless thing will kick in or what the coverage will be like. Can the wireless waves come inside the house? Regardless, I’ll need something in the interim, and I want to be naked, dammit!
Sadly, the wireless waves won’t make it to the house if you’re wearing that cool, stylish baseball cap. But in the meantime you can enjoy crappy DSL and RF frequencies in your brain and you can even turn the site into a moblog! O how fun !!!
Dave and Jay V,
‘Tis indeed a camera phone, so there is moblog potential. I already have one picture, but it’s upside down. Also, I’m not sure how to get the picture off of the phone.
Hmmm…re-reading this thread makes me think of a bunch of people walking around naked except for ceullular protection hats.
Ah, I see it’s time for 10 AM coffee. That explains it.
Coffee! Now there’s a technology I could get into.
OMG, someone just sent me a TEXT MESSAGE! How is that possible? There are words on the phone!
“Don’t get too excited, Glenn. Naked DSL is just getting DSL w/o having to get voice service.”
I actually figured that was what it meant, but I liked the way it sounded the other way.
Oh and be careful with those text messages! depending on your plan you could get hit with a charge for them.
Becky, I put your new cell number on my speed dial. Can’t wait to spend some quality time in your new house!
We’ll know if those things become a hit. Cell phone users will get a new nickname. “Blue Hats” or something more imaginative, but we’ll certainly shed the old one: “Tumorheads”… woohoo!
Oh yeah you posted your number! maybe i’ll send you a text message, too! i figure if we all do we can run up your phone bill! 10¢ a message !!!
I have one of those cell phone caps… really cool and I feel “energized” and really notice the difference!