Michael Nutter’s nose makes my butt look small
Published by Becky S September 25th, 2005 in newsy, philadelphia, favorite
This is Michael Nutter, and he is going to run for mayor of Philadelphia. There is one large problem with this candidate, a problem that so far has been overlooked by the mainstream media.
Never fear. Once again I am using my grassroots journalist blogger skills to keep the citizens of our fair metropolis informed. While you are watching football, I am slaving away, writing exposes about mayoral candidates. That’s the power of the Internet.
About Michael Nutter. Look at his picture, specifically his nose. It’s huge! We can’t have a mayor with a nose like that! I’m no fan of John Street, but at least when he had his photo in Time magazine for being the worst mayor in the country, he didn’t embarrass us with a gigantic schnoz.
However, Nutter’s nose is not of his own making. This handicap was cruelly thrust upon him by the capricious forces of nature, and he deserves our help and compassion. Please donate to the Nutter rhinoplasty fund. Give what you can, and together we’ll ensure that Michael Nutter gets the fair candidacy he deserves.
UPDATE: Type E rightly points out that any good fundraiser requires incentives. So here are the thank-you gifts associated with each rhinoplasty fund pledge level:
- $100 - any two Nutter Butter products
- $1000 - patch of leftover Nutter nose (1×1 square inch)
- $5,000 - one year supply of Fluffernutters
This is important work. Try PBS-style fundraising, where every $100 donor receives a jar Nutter Butter®. For a donation of $1,000 or more, you get a 1×1 inch square of his actual leftover nose. And for $5,000, you can run anything in the city … wait, that’s Street.
I feel I just have to comment on the proposed “nose job” I say look at Barbara…(you know who!). She has declined any nasal planning which would alter sound-wave forms. I assume looking at MN’s foto he has a very powerful voice…Maybe the voice of the very people of Phillie. So, I say lets vote for Michael Nutter for has a nose like no “Utter”.
Wouldn’t it be fitting if he wins the mayoral race by a nose…oops I guess it is not a horse race is it?… Or is it??
Are you sure he isn’t just wearing a Groucho nose?
Alas, Nutter is not wearing a Groucho nose. It’s all natural.