Good Grief!

He cut our weekly Business Intelligence staff meeting short because he’s tired today. And why is he tired? Because it’s the most wonderful time of the year…
Boss-across spent all day Saturday and Sunday stringing Christmas lights around fifteen pine trees in his front yard. As a final touch, he installed a sensor that will automatically […]

Boss-across and I recently had a very disturbing conversation:
Boss-across-the-hall: Tell me again about the secret table that’s missing from our database diagram?
Becky: What secret table?
BATH: The one you told me about earlier.
Becky: You didn’t find it yet? I said that so you’d get out of my office. I’m busy […]

He likes us to keep abreast of the Business Intelligence field by reading websites, trade rags, and whatever else we can get our hands on. Last year I got him to buy copies of Michael Lewis’s Moneyball for the entire team because, hey, we can all learn from Billy Beane’s innovative use of data. Unfortunately, […]

Says boss-across-the-hall this morning:
I am getting some more free time. This is good for me and bad for you.
At lunch:
If you guys don’t finish your work backlog, I am going to issue a business intelligence jihad on you.
Well that sucks. Boss-across-the-hall is a Muslim, but I didn’t realize he had such authority.

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He is busy making a PowerPoint presentation for Important People. We had words.
Boss-across-the-hall: Please review these slides.
Me: [5 minutes later] Technically, what comprises the e-mail system is incorrect. The whole comprises its parts. The parts compose the whole.
BOTH: Really? Well, I like the way comprises sounds. I’ll […]

What’s this? A boss-across-the-hall update on SUNDAY? Well, that’s just the kind of dedicated employee I am–always on the job. I just sent boss-across an e-mail, which he will hopefully read first thing Monday morning:
From: Becky S
To: Boss-across-the-hall
Cc: Business Intelligence Team
Subject: Can we put this in next year’s […]

He foiled my plan to volunteer him as a model for the organization’s annual charity fashion show. It was a valiant attempt, nonetheless–especially the part where I remembered the delegate permissions on his e-mail account.

From: CIO
Sent: Friday, September 10, 2004 10:00 AM
To: IT - Department
Subject: FW: Fashion Show Models Wanted
Importance: High
I would love to […]

He is in rare form this week. Overheard from across the hall:

“My mojo is gone! They’ve ruined my mojo!”
“My Outlook is doggin’ me. WOOOOF. WOOOOF.”
[to his computer] “Who’s your daddy?”
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He volunteered us for another experiment. In fact, he told a fellow boss that I am “a great tester—thorough and sneaky,” which I’ll take as a compliment.
I cannot reveal the nature of this experiment, which is super top secret, but it gives me the opportunity to break things. I take this responsibility seriously, […]

Boss-across-the-hall: I got the last glue stick from the supply closet!
Me: We have glue sticks in the supply closet?
Boss-across-the-hall: Not anymore!
I’ve never needed a glue stick at this job, but if boss-across-the-hall has one, then I want one too. It’s very quiet over there. The door is halfway shut, but […]